Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
