Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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