I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
