If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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