This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
