imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
