I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
