I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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