remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The best revenge is premature balding
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
