Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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