Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
