I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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