this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish my penis had a tongue
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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