Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
