Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
