His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
