Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
