ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
