dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
