Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she told me i tasted like america
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
