i permit you to call me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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