If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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