If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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