Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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