It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
