People in love make me want to vomit
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
