i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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