Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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