I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
