Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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