So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
