There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There r osticjed everywhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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