I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just invented taco cereal.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
