So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize