i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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