my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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