and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
