saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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