i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
