you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
