Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
