I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
