Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
