We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
