Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
