Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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