I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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