hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
