I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
