I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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