Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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