im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
