I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
