i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
