Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
