Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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