it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
