The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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