my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
