Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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