Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
