After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
