omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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