Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
