PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize