Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
