No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
