I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
