hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
