dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
