We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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