i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
