She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
