he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
