We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
