saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
