This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
