i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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