Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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