I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
